sleep.less.ness

i woke up in a bad mood this morning.

a very blah mood. there was no hot water and i didn't sleep well last night. you know...the kind of sleep where you are somehow aware of the clock ticking all night long.

a race between you and the clock - knowing all along that you will inevitably lose no matter how many times you rearrange your pillow or what side of the bed you are sleeping on.

the clock hovers over you in utter defiance of the battle you think you are waging.

but it was a simple fact all along.

its not time that you are fighting but your mind.

so instead of counting sheep, i was making lists of things i need to do. want to do. first painting a picture of a man sitting alone on the train, the scenery flashing by him and the unopened book sitting precisely in his lap. the lines of the paint swirling along the canvas surface....

then painting him with words. his gray tired face like a tarnished sterling sliver spoon. years of worry and loneliness taking its toll. his eyes the only remaining sign of life. looking closely you see his eyelids moving ever so slightly - opening wider and then falling back down in rhythm with the telephone wires passing by like waves against the cold gray landscape. like a child's hand being driven up and down by the force of the wind out the passenger side window. his mind is lost in the past as the sound of the tracks meet the rhythm of his body rocking silently with the train.

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photo found here.