motherhood

“This is motherhood for you,' said my own mother. 

'Going through life with your heart outside your body.”
― Jennifer Weiner

While I didn't expect to be a mother this year - or the next, for that matter - it is something that I always hoped and prayed I would one day be. I had played it out in my mind many times before...I imagined it would take a little while to become pregnant - months of prenatal vitamins and hopeful dreaming. I imagined I would be overly prepared and anxious. Since I tend to lean a little too heavily on the far more realistic side of life, preparedness has always been the most important aspect of my motherhood daydreams. And up until now, I have managed (truly by the grace of God) to live my life in stages, that I - in my desperate attempt to live my life without any regrets - laid out ahead in my mind as probable steps into adulthood for me personally. i.e. finished college, studied abroad, got a job, lived on my own for awhile, got married (which happened naturally without feeling pressured or rushed) etc. etc. And the thing is, I have been so happy. This has been the best most happiest year of my life and I had just settled into things; prepared for traveling adventures and Italian getaways....but God had other adventures in store for us. 

The first several weeks were rather earth rattling. I was so sick and it was such a shock. I am not sure what I would have done with out Mr. D's support, sense of humor and optimism. But when I saw baby's heart beating for the first time on the ultrasound machine, all of my insecurities began to slip away. And now, as I enter my second trimester, I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Not just about our precious baby on the way, but about life in general. Resting in faith has taken on a whole new meaning for me and I could not be more thankful for this gift we have been given. Its a joy that I am still trying to grasp and an adventure that I am taking on mindfully and peacefully. 

Looking back, I know it will seem like there was no better timing...it is already beginning to seem that way to me. I have never felt a greater sense of peace knowing that there is a more perfect plan for my life than I could ever have laid out myself. I'm thankful for where we live and that second bedroom that we already refer to as "baby's room," I'm thankful for our jobs and for my doctor who I coincidentally had found just months earlier and LOVE. And I'm thankful to have my mom not too far away...one of my very favorite things has been talking about and dreaming about the baby with her. 

Mostly, I'm thankful for Mr. D. Almost as exciting as being a mom is seeing him become a dad! I can imagine no greater father for this baby than him. 

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you... - Jeremiah 1:5

[ photo one | photos two & three | photo four ]