Dear December,

“Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can't always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.” 

― Lauren Kate

You have been the most surreal month of my life to date. You are neither here nor there. Christmas lights gloriously strung everywhere. A baby girl whose every breath seems almost too good to be true. And late nights spent with my husband in bed, laughing and reliving her every iphone-captured move. The hushed excitement as we tiptoe into her room. Home-cooked meals and freshly pureed food. Fire places and plenty of room (a far cry from our Boston-one-room). Bowls full of clementines and slippered feet. The most beautiful tree I've ever seen. Anticipation tangled in brightly clothed evergreen and the smell of inevitable change intertwined with cinnamon sticks and pine. And so it is during this dreamlike time, that I hold tightly to faith and try to repose my mind giving thanks for every minute before it passes by. 

better

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” 

― Anaïs Nin

Even when nights upon nights go by with very little sleep to account for them, 

the days are better than even the most restful sleep I can remember. 

this girl's mom

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

I love everything about this girl. Her smile is better than any gift could ever be. 

And those coos... sweeter than any instrument could ever play. 

As of today - officially - my only job is being this girl's mom. 

It still seems a little surreal that I won't be going back to those four office walls that once were mine, 

and I would be lying if I said it wasn't a little nerve wracking walking away from it,

but I am so thankful for this window of time where I am able to spend 

all day, every day with baby girl.

As Summer gives way to Fall, 

I am jumping head first into this new phase of my life...

and so far, it is hands down the most rewarding, challenging and joyful one yet. 
There is nothing quite like being this girl's mom.

packing for two

“Sometimes, the best way to help someone is just to be near them.” 

― Veronica Roth

[baby girl sound asleep in our bed]

This weekend was so good. I don't know how I got so lucky. The more time I spend with my handsome husband and funny little bird, the more in love I fall with both of them. Lyla Bird slept in her crib for most of the night last night and I have to admit that I actually missed her a bit...but it made pulling her in bed with us this morning even sweeter. 

The day ahead is a little daunting. There is so much I need to do - not the least of which is packing for two for three whole weeks. Lyla Bird is getting ready to take flight number four in the morning and I'm already crossing my fingers and toes that it goes as smoothly as all the other flights have gone. 

So while I tackle this ever-growing mound of laundry in our bedroom and try to figure out which stroller to take and how many diapers are needed to get us there...I'll be covering baby girl in kisses and giving thanks for that kind and loving husband of mine. 

By the end of these next three weeks of traveling with my jet-setting baby, I will surely have this traveling-with-a-baby-thing figured out, if not mastered. I am slowly, but surely getting my groove for packing for two. Wish us loads of luck and send all the "sleepy -baby" vibes  you can our way : ) 

These past six weeks

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, 
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” 
― Lao Tzu

These past six weeks have been delicious and sleepless, grand and inspiring. They have been altering and earth halting and ever so fulfilling. They have been everything I had hoped for and nothing I quite expected. 

This past week I am finally feeling like myself again. We have finally got this nursing thing down and I no longer feel like an ever engorged cow (who knew those first few weeks could be so crazy and so full). She is eating every 3-4 hours which is so much more manageable than that first month of nursing every two hours. It seems that after that terrible bout of mastitis (which I would never wish on any human being), things turned around to be quite good...enjoyable even. 

I still get swept away with the smell of her skin and her sweet milk breath against the curve of my neck, but now its the familiarity of it that makes me swoon. Its her genuinely overjoyed smile - pure and without fault - and the sincerity with which she looks deep into my eyes that have me simultaneously weak in the knees and standing taller than the mountains are high. 

These past six weeks have been the hardest, most wonderful and beautiful six weeks of my life. I keep thinking, how lucky am I to be this little girl's mama and to be married to her kind and handsome daddy. 

We are sure excited that its the weekend around here! It's supposed to be a hot one...so we are planning on venturing out to the beach tomorrow...can't wait! 

don't know what we would do without him

“…hearts wrung with anguish, the anguish of having children, 

a vulnerability as astonishing as the capacity for love that parenthood brings.” 

― Eugenides

Baby girl and I sure love this man around here. His presence seems to calm the both of us almost instantly.

I almost met Mr. D in the street last night when he came home around 10:45 pm. 

(not kidding -- had I been able to get decently dressed with one hand I might have) 

Baby girl and I had both been feeling out of sorts since around 5 pm. I felt like I was getting the flu

(turns out to maybe just be breastfeeding related?) 

and Lyla simply insisted on being held, rocked, nursed and walked...simultaneously. 

But as soon as Mr. D walked through the door last night, 

bird quieted down and this mama got to take a bubble bath that felt like heaven. 

He had Bird cooing and me laughing in no time. 

Don't know what we would do without him.

two weeks

"No one else will ever know the strength of my love. 

After all, you are the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside."

It was so wonderful having my mom here the first two weeks of Lyla Bird's life. I'm so thankful the three of us were able to share those first few weeks together. Plus, not only has our apartment never looked better, but the kitchen saw actual home-cooked meals for practically the first time!  

On Friday, my parents left for Italy with a bunch of our family friends...a trip that Mr. D and I had planned on taking until we were given a little surprise gift last September. It was hard saying goodbye to them and facing the reality of my new role as a mama...a mama whose husband works crazy late hours providing for this little family of ours. 

Suddenly spit up isn't so gross and a scent of milk is my new perfume. And Im surprised by my own strength when in the middle of the night I feel like I can't bare to move a muscle and the thought of breast feeding yet again makes me cringe a little in pain, but there is still no where I would rather be than rocking baby girl back to sleep in our little street lamp lit room. 

These past two weeks have been so sweet, but now I'm back to reality and trying to catch up on emails and thank you notes and find a rhythm for baby girl and I to fall in to. Its a 24 hour job, 7 days a week and its definitely not easy, but it is so, so rewarding and oh so good. 

NOTE: a sweet friend sent me the quote above...not sure who said it, but I couldn't love it more. 

39 weeks

I can't help but wonder if this is the last weekly countdown with you in my belly -

growing ever so steadily, my body home to two strong hearts 

beating anxiously for this very moment in time.

I'm taking special notice of each kick and wave that flows through my abdomen, 

remembering exactly how it feels to have you inside me. 

I love you, baby girl. 

See you soon!

a mothers day gift

“My mother... she is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. 

I want to grow old and be like her.” 

― Jodi Picoult

This mother's day is going to be extra special! 

My sweet mom is headed up here this weekend in anticipation of baby girl's arrival.

I am looking so forward to having her company while we wait these last few days...

I've never been more thankful for my mother!

The sun is finally out here in Boston

and who knows...maybe baby girl will be a mother's day gift?!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and mothers-to-be out there

and a very happy weekend to you all!

photograph from the glow

It's finally May!

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” 

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Even though I've hit the "full term" mark, my actual due date isn't for a couple more weeks...so the waiting begins. And as much as it kills the planner in me to not know the exact date we will meet or the color of her hair or the way she will feel in my arms...I feel peaceful, almost prepared (can that be?!)

But as excited as I am to finally hold our baby girl, I don't feel rushed (even though I wanted to cry trying to put my socks and shoes on yesterday). Still, I am loving my multiple daily naps and the time spent alone feeling her kicking and elbowing the sides of my belly. I'll never be this close to her again and I am making a point to treasure every moment I have these last few weeks with her in my womb. 

It hasn't been easy getting used to Mr. D's new work schedule. I miss him so much and I'm anxious about how our life will be with this new little one. I hardly see him and lets face it...its not going to be easy. Still, Ive never been more thankful for this time in our lives and for our little growing family. 

Even though there is so much unknown ahead, one thing is for sure...this May will be full! 

photo here. 

prayers answered!

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. 

I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. 
It doesn't change God- it changes me.” 

― C.S. Lewis

Our prayers were answered this morning...

baby girl flipped while we were literally on our way to the doctor! Can you believe it?! 

The doctor's appointment went great and we got to see our little girl again.

I am measuring a little small, but its ok because baby girl is weighing in at a healthy 6 lbs 9 ounces. 

I am so thankful for all of the sweet emails and support we have had from friends and family 

over the last several days ...and mostly for my sweet husband who

made this morning one of my most favorite yet. 

Its so exciting not knowing yet when our little girl is going to arrive...but knowing it will be soon.

Every moment we have together is a little sweeter and filled with so much joy. 

Thank you so much for all of your advice, prayers and well wishes!

one of those days...

“Sometimes, when it is going badly, 

she wonders if what she believes to be a love of the written word 

is really just a fetish for stationary.” 

― David Nicholls

Its been one of those days. My hormonal self has been suddenly pretty weepy today...even the ice cream I had during lunch didn't lift my spirits. 


I had a doctor's appointment this morning and for reasons I can't quite be sure of myself, I arrived a good 50 minutes early to my 8 o'clock AM appointment. Then about an hour and fifteen minutes later, I found myself sitting on the exam table feeling positively homesick - not necessarily for any concrete place...just homesick for familiarity.


The doctor was late because of traffic, so I sat there alone on that crinkly paper with my crazy thoughts for a good 45 minutes. I continued to fight back tears for the next 20 minutes or so after the doctor arrived...and I was relieved to be the only one in the elevator once I left - tears readily flowing. I normally love these doctor's appointments so much, but it wasn't the best today. 


Everything is ok, of course. Baby girl has been kicking up a storm and her little heart is steady and strong as ever. I've actually lost a little weight - not for a lack of eating let me tell you - but everything is ok. 


It's really beautiful outside today and I can't wait to get out and go for a long walk. 
Sometimes thats just the thing I need. 

waiting ever so patiently

“If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.” 

― Oscar Wilde

Sometimes waiting to meet baby girl seems unbearable. 

We've come so far... and yet it seems like May will never get here. 

So on days like today, I find so much joy in holding her little newborn onesies

and those teeny tiny socks that just seem so impossibly small. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she is still growing safely in my belly, 

but gosh I am so excited to smell her skin and kiss her little hands. 

So today, I've been hanging out by her crib - 

laying out all of her clothes and then refolding them again.

Oh, how I can't wait to wrap her up in my arms. 

a tea!

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me.” 

― C.S. Lewis

On Saturday, baby girl's sweet "aunties" through me a baby shower tea. 

Everything looked so beautiful and the food was delicious - little tea sandwiches, scones and sweets.

They all worked so hard and I am so thankful for each and every person who came to celebrate.

Its crazy to think that the next time I see these ladies, I will be introducing them to baby girl. 

Mr. D left for Boston on Saturday and I am headed that way as I type this.
One step closer to meeting baby girl and several hundred miles closer to our new city...

baby girl's first shoes.

“Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world.”
― Marilyn Monroe

Last week, a sweet family friend gave baby girl her first shoes.

She MADE each pair!!! Can you believe it?! 

She even hand-quilted the silk lining on the inside of each one. 

The bottom left pair are made from a vintage tea cloth.

Oh. my. goodness....I can hardly wait to put them on baby girl's feet.

 

advice.

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading,

 his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”
― Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, Don Quixote

Having a pregnant belly is like wearing a huge red flag on your shirt asking for advice. The rounder I get, the more consistent the flow is of unsolicited advice from just about everyone. And I mostly don't mind it. In fact, I enjoy the insight and the fact that something so natural and human as bringing life into this world also binds us together - strangers who would normally just walk straight past... pause and smile. Something so common and yet so mesmerizing that no matter what language or background, almost everyone lingers - if only for a second - and with a knowing look or a great big embrace, acknowledges this shared miracle. Shared hope found in the continuation of the human race. 

Today a coworker of mine mentioned that Mr. D and I only have ten more weeks of being just us. The statement (and remorseful tone) caught me off-guard. Its something I've definitely thought about, but as baby's due date nears I feel an increasing amount of joy for the fact that we will be a family of three....not panic or sentimentality over the thought like I might have expected. As much as I LOVE being with Mr. D and treasure our time together and the family we have created, I am so, SO excited about this next adventure. I can't help but think over and over again that the best is yet to come.

---------------------------------------

We are going to dinner with friends (I refuse to call it a farewell dinner) tonight and then baby shower number two is on Saturday. I've never been more thankful for friends and family as we begin our next little adventure (or two). 

Happy weekend everyone!!

photograph found here.

today we saw our baby girl and I thought my heart might burst...

“Forget not
that the earth delights
to feel your bare feet
and the winds long
to play with your hair.”
― Kahlil Gibran

 Not only is baby for sure a girl...
but she has pretty little eyelashes and a head full of hair!!!

We had the best time at the doctor this morning just watching her...
My hormone-filled self has been swooning - completely head over heels -
for her and her chubby cheeks all morning.

I truly thought my heart might burst as we watched our baby girl
in complete and wonderful awe.

She is measuring a little over a week ahead
 and already weighs 3 lbs 5 ounces.
Oh my, we love her so much already!

a little nest in the corner of a room.

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. 

Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 The guest bedroom is baby girl's space.

Her things gather there in a corner of the room. 

Things that will soon protect her and keep her warm. 

Things that will one day comfort her and make her smile.

Colorful things. Soft things. Gifts from dear friends and family.

 This little one is already so loved. 

Since we don't quite have a home yet as we await our move to Boston - 

reaching out of boxes every morning searching for this or that -

this little space - her space - has become my very favorite place.

----------------

We have a doctor's appointment today! 

I can't wait to hear that little heart beat. 

babymoon

“A writer never has a vacation. 

For a writer, life consists of either writing or thinking about writing.”
― Eugène Ionesco

 I've never been more excited about a vacation than I am now -

waking up that first morning to the sunrise over the ocean

and having absolutely no plans, but to relax and drink in the sun. 

They say it takes a couple of days before your body fully feels like its on vacation, 

but I'm pretty sure I'm already there.

I can think of no better way to kick off this third trimester of pregnancy...

See you next week!! 

imagine.

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. 

Imagination is more important than knowledge. 

Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
― Albert Einstein

 We have sent in an application on an apartment in Boston [I would say more, but I dont want to jinx it]

and I've scheduled an appointment with the doctor I was hoping to get there...

so the pieces of our move are beginning to fall into place. 

But before we make our way up North, 

we are headed South for a much needed vacation. 

As a parting gift, the weather here in the District is nearing 70 degrees today...

so my white legs are easing their way into those vitamin d rays.

I never would have imagined all that has happened over this past year...

but oh how thankful I am for every minute of it.