just for the beauty of it

“I loved autumn, the one season of the year that God seemed 

to have put there just for the beauty of it.” 

― Lee Maynard

It has been a challenge for me to write lately. Its hard to find a reason to do anything other than kiss that little face and spend every spare moment making her eyes light up with laughter (the girl makes you WORK HARD for her giggles). 

She is changing so much and I continue falling so hard. Time is flying fast and the flood of thoughts continuously whooshing through my mind don't linger long enough to be described. 

At first, I worried that becoming a family of three (well, I mean four...we can't wait to get back to our Lucy in a few weeks) would be hard on our marriage - a marriage that was still so new when we found out we were expecting. That first year of marriage had been so good - dating this man who I was lucky enough to call my husband. And I initially mourned the imminent passing of our "single" married days. But that all seems so silly now. 

I have never been more in love with my husband. We are closer now than we've ever been...and we have this little girl...this little life that I can't imagine our family without. I can honestly say she is the best thing that has ever happened to us. This fall seems more beautiful and life so, SO much more full of joy. 

We love you, Lyla Bird. 

prayers answered!

“I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless. 

I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. 
It doesn't change God- it changes me.” 

― C.S. Lewis

Our prayers were answered this morning...

baby girl flipped while we were literally on our way to the doctor! Can you believe it?! 

The doctor's appointment went great and we got to see our little girl again.

I am measuring a little small, but its ok because baby girl is weighing in at a healthy 6 lbs 9 ounces. 

I am so thankful for all of the sweet emails and support we have had from friends and family 

over the last several days ...and mostly for my sweet husband who

made this morning one of my most favorite yet. 

Its so exciting not knowing yet when our little girl is going to arrive...but knowing it will be soon.

Every moment we have together is a little sweeter and filled with so much joy. 

Thank you so much for all of your advice, prayers and well wishes!

today we saw our baby girl and I thought my heart might burst...

“Forget not
that the earth delights
to feel your bare feet
and the winds long
to play with your hair.”
― Kahlil Gibran

 Not only is baby for sure a girl...
but she has pretty little eyelashes and a head full of hair!!!

We had the best time at the doctor this morning just watching her...
My hormone-filled self has been swooning - completely head over heels -
for her and her chubby cheeks all morning.

I truly thought my heart might burst as we watched our baby girl
in complete and wonderful awe.

She is measuring a little over a week ahead
 and already weighs 3 lbs 5 ounces.
Oh my, we love her so much already!

Lately

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, 

but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-time of the Soul

 

Lately:

• I wake up while the moon is still shining and give thanks for the life tossing and turning in my belly. That is my favorite way to wake up, no matter what time and no matter how tired I am.
• Lucy's new do has her prancing around our yard barking and showing off her figure like never before. 
• Mr. D came home from work beaming because he had had such a record-breaking good day. I've been proudly celebrating every since. 
• I have an insatiable craving for fruit. Blueberries and bananas especially. 
• Baby girl has settled nice and low on my right hip - all one pound and eleven inches of her. She wont move no matter how long I lay on my left side. Next I am going to try swimming...maybe she will float over to the other side?! (I'm skeptical, but the doctor recommended trying it). 
• When I get home from work, I curl up in a chair and read. Taking pleasure in the quiet act of turning each page. Sometimes there is nothing more comforting to me than turning the pages of a good book.
• My eyes water at the smallest of things - joyful or simply beautiful (dont even get me started on something sad). 
• Ive been wearing glasses that I have had a prescription for since the third grade (except in third grade I wore pink rimmed, grandpa-style glasses). My new BonLook glasses are a definite upgrade and its nice to be able to see!
• I take more time. I move a little more gently and sip my drinks a little slower, conscious of the cool water sliding down my throat and the glass against my lip. I turn pages of books a little more carefully - letting my fingers truly feel their surface - and I try to freeze every moment I spend with Mr. D and our growing little family. Savoring every minute.
  
  Lately...I know this is exactly where I need to be. 

belly laughs.

"It’s funny the things you do as a mum that you never expected. There have been nights when I’m so tired, I find myself rocking her to sleep in the middle of the night reading Keats poems I learned when I was in school."  - Zoë Buckman, Photographer

I can't believe I am just months away from being a mom. 

My heart flutters and my bones feel light.

She kicked and tumbled around in my belly for a solid hour and 10 minutes the other night. 

I sat there - hand over belly - smiling the whole time.

Somehow I feel like I'm already getting to know her personality, 

and her punches against my belly make me laugh.

 

Oh my dear, I love this babe so much already. 

all photographs of Zoe Buckman from The GLOW

Happy New Year!

dancing the night away with our girl.

“I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved. I am not sure that you are of the same mind. But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave. This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take leave to tell you that you are very dear.”

― George Eliot

My wonderful, amazing husband tore up the tired, old carpet in our living room and hallway. And even though our house was just a bit disheveled, I could stare in wonder at our hard wood floors all day. Displaced furniture is nothing compared to glorious sweepable hard wood floors (especially in our little house with Lucy's giant paws and baby girl on the way). I am so thankful for that handsome husband of mine who  always works so hard and takes such good care of our little family. And hooray for wood floors!

Last night in bed, baby girl danced and danced for the longest time real low and on the right side of my belly. We just laid there feeling her move about. I think she liked having Mr. D's hand there to kick.

I had never been happier or felt more love. Surrounded by my little family. Mr. D's hand on my belly while baby girl danced the night away.

I thought this time, my heart surely would explode.

motherhood

“This is motherhood for you,' said my own mother. 

'Going through life with your heart outside your body.”
― Jennifer Weiner

While I didn't expect to be a mother this year - or the next, for that matter - it is something that I always hoped and prayed I would one day be. I had played it out in my mind many times before...I imagined it would take a little while to become pregnant - months of prenatal vitamins and hopeful dreaming. I imagined I would be overly prepared and anxious. Since I tend to lean a little too heavily on the far more realistic side of life, preparedness has always been the most important aspect of my motherhood daydreams. And up until now, I have managed (truly by the grace of God) to live my life in stages, that I - in my desperate attempt to live my life without any regrets - laid out ahead in my mind as probable steps into adulthood for me personally. i.e. finished college, studied abroad, got a job, lived on my own for awhile, got married (which happened naturally without feeling pressured or rushed) etc. etc. And the thing is, I have been so happy. This has been the best most happiest year of my life and I had just settled into things; prepared for traveling adventures and Italian getaways....but God had other adventures in store for us. 

The first several weeks were rather earth rattling. I was so sick and it was such a shock. I am not sure what I would have done with out Mr. D's support, sense of humor and optimism. But when I saw baby's heart beating for the first time on the ultrasound machine, all of my insecurities began to slip away. And now, as I enter my second trimester, I feel an overwhelming sense of calm. Not just about our precious baby on the way, but about life in general. Resting in faith has taken on a whole new meaning for me and I could not be more thankful for this gift we have been given. Its a joy that I am still trying to grasp and an adventure that I am taking on mindfully and peacefully. 

Looking back, I know it will seem like there was no better timing...it is already beginning to seem that way to me. I have never felt a greater sense of peace knowing that there is a more perfect plan for my life than I could ever have laid out myself. I'm thankful for where we live and that second bedroom that we already refer to as "baby's room," I'm thankful for our jobs and for my doctor who I coincidentally had found just months earlier and LOVE. And I'm thankful to have my mom not too far away...one of my very favorite things has been talking about and dreaming about the baby with her. 

Mostly, I'm thankful for Mr. D. Almost as exciting as being a mom is seeing him become a dad! I can imagine no greater father for this baby than him. 

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you... - Jeremiah 1:5

[ photo one | photos two & three | photo four ]

Northwest mist.

“Already, Seattle is taking hold of her. 

She still holds Sedona in the dry tan of her skin and in her hair, 

but the fine mist of the Northwest 

is making its way to places she didn’t know were parched.”
― Susan Wiggs

 Just as the weather has swept my heart away here in Washington, DC...

I am headed to a Washington on the opposite coast. Seattle to be exact. Well...Bellevue to be certain.

I am planning to watch Sleepless in Seattle and read/write on the long plane ride over. 

But first, I am looking forward to a movie night with my Mr. 

and a breakfast date with said husband to follow.

Some mornings I lie awake before the alarm -

listening to husband breathe and watching the sun out our bedroom windows 

slowly begin to splash color on the swaying leaves -

in complete awe and joy that this is home.

I am looking forward to the trip ahead and its promised mist from the Northwest skies, 

but mainly I'm just incredibly excited and thankful to come back home.

date night and new seasons.

“What is that you express in your eyes? 

It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.”
― Walt Whitman

 Mr. D took me to dinner last night. We went to Floriana in Dupont. 

The restaurant is housed in an old brownstone and our table for two was right in front of the fireplace.

The food was delicious, but the candle light and the gray-haired waiter who 

described the menu with his hands - 

as if he himself was garnishing the dishes right in mid-air - 

made the night even more delightful.

The misty rain falling in between the white Christmas lights outside 

filled me with such excitement for this new season. 

Mostly, though, just glad I have Mr. D to enjoy it alongside.

--------

Tonight we are going to Opera in the Outfield

and Friday we head to the Big Apple. 

I can hardly wait....

Photo #1 by Stefany Alves
Photo #2 by Husband

may the best be yet to come

“The night you gave me my birthday party... you were a young Lieutenant 

and I was a fragrant phantom, wasn't I? 

And it was a radiant night, 

a night of soft conspiracy and the trees agreed 

that it was all going to be for the best.”
― Zelda Fitzgerald

 My handsome husband turns twenty-eight today.

And as he begins his 29th year of life, 

I have never loved him more.

I am so thankful for this man's life 

and that it did intertwine with mine.

I cannot wait to celebrate with him tonight.

Happy Birthday, Mr. D!

as we are.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
— Anaïs Nin

Amber just posted the photographs from our shoot onto Live It Out Photography.

I am so in love with them.

Thank you, Amber! 

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs...." - Ansel Adams

"There we did begin, Cloisterd in the waterfall, 

Our summer discipline."
— Bashō

 

Everything paused for a moment when I first saw this photograph.

As if in answer to what I'd been writing and a summation of my thoughts...

there is so much about it that I love.

 And of the man by whom I am sitting...

an indescribable joy that I am the one who gets to travel all the days alongside him.

And Amber, 

so thankful that we met.

You inspire me and our walls, no matter where we call home, will forever show it.

------

Photograph by Amber of Live It Out Photography.

There is a sneak peek from our shoot on her blog! 

real stories.

"Stories make us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving."
— Madeleine L'Engle

Curled in my reading chair

an autobiography in hand - Mr. D just steps away in the other room

and Lucy girl at my feet - I felt so at peace.

Autobiographies are my favorite kind of stories.

Stories about life. So much beauty can be found in the reality of life.

I have a lunch date today with Mr. D

and later, with the birthday girl and Bon Iver.

Its Tuesday.

The sun is bright.

And I wouldn't change a thing.

love.

"I will make you brooches and toys for your delight
Of bird-song at morning and star-shine at night.
I will make a palace fit for you and me
Of green days in forests and blue days at sea."
— Robert Louis Stevenson

 There were

[for expended periods of time] this weekend

moments where I felt

I could not breathe

without insanity.

"Yes, it's crazy. Love is either crazy or it's nothing at all." — Milan Kundera

with flowers and the moon....

"With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon, 

who could not be happy?"
— Oscar Wilde

 I came home last night to these beauties and a winsome letter that still has me smiling.

Aren't they so bright and appealing? 

I have the best husband.

I was feeling pretty exhausted when I got off work yesterday, 

and a night at home with that husband of mine was just what I needed.

---------

Warm tea in hand, 

I am looking forward to today (and tomorrow) with a whole new light.

Sometimes that's all it takes....

a good book waiting at home, a mug of warm tea, a vase of flowers, words dear, 

a song to listen to and the mindfulness to seek out even the little things that bring joy

in order to delight in the day... whatever it holds. 

entirely and all together.

"I love the ground under his feet, and the air over his head, 

and everything he touches and every word he says.

I love all his looks, and all his actions and him entirely and all together."
— Emily Brontë

 Yesterday, we bought running shoes. His bigger than mine. 

And somehow while covered in the shine of perspiration

in a room too hot for breathing

I had goosebumps. 

And even after cycling, my heartbeat never slowed.

And its how he always knows what song I want to listen to 

before I even know myself.

And how he always replaces the soap in the shower before it disappears

and how hard he works to take care of Lucy girl and me.

And how even after a hard workout -

when I feel a complete and utter mess -

he looks at me like I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.

And this morning while I lay in bed,

watching the sun rise through the stain glass resting in our bedroom window,

I felt such an overwhelming rush of love for the man beside me.

Who he is.

As he is.

waiting

"Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged. 

Missing me one place, search another. I stop somewhere waiting for you."

— Walt Whitman

 There is something a little sacred and dear about anticipating the return of something you miss...
especially if that something is actually a someone and
and if that someone happens to be the one you're married to.

This week, I have been given several reminders of the fragility of life,
and while I know much better and happier things await -
I am wholeheartedly making the most of every minute I have.

photograph taken by Amber

thankfully, it sure feels good

"Though the road's been rocky it sure feels good to me."
— Bob Marley

 You know life is good and you are blessed

when the ground beneath your feet is a little rocky

and yet, you have simply never been happier before in your life

 at this very moment

walking down the narrow path.

I haven't just been writing in my head lately...

I've been singing, too
and it sure feels good.

-----

Baseball game

followed by a Bachelorette party 

and a whole lotta ice cream and Friday Night Lights

fond hopes of spring

"Saw a little girl touch a big bug and shout, 

"I conquered my fear! YES!" and calmly walk away. I was inspired."
— Nathan Fillion

 Today, in no particular order:

Spring is here again. hallelujah its here again.

While meal planning, taking a note from this list of what NOT to buy at the grocery store.

Thankful for the boxes of thank you notes sold at target in counts of 50,

they come in lots of different prints and the box is sturdy and quite handy.

Spent a good deal of time this morning considering and repeating this quote:

"Do the right thing, the results are up to God." - Quincy Adams

Thankful for my husband who is such a good example to me.

Figuring out what to wear to a wedding (or two back-to-back) is much easier 

if you are the bride(s), suddenly everything seems white.

Thankful to be gainfully employed, but would rather be self-employed.

Contemplating the line between writing for oneself and writing for others which is so often crossed.

I am admittedly very aware of my fears, but very rarely chase after them...
oh, to shout them out upon conquering and calmly walk away.

To love wholly and unconditionally 

is the most gratifying and liberating feeling

and to be loved unconditionally in return - even at my most vulnerable state -

is earth shatteringly beautiful and nourishing 

beyond even my fondest of hopes.