4 months

“Five tender apricots in a blue bowl, a brief and exact promise of things to come.” 

― Frances Mayes

[on our way to brunch at the South End Buttery on Saturday]

At four months old, this girl is talking like crazy...especially when she is frustrated. Those blablablublablas can be awfully loud and forceful! She went to the doctor last week and at only 13 lbs, this little babe is in the 96 percentile for length! There are so many things I love about this age. She is constantly learning new things and there is nothing sweeter than the sound of her laughter. Oh it just does not get better than baby laughs. 

And Mr. D makes both of us laugh more than any one else on earth. Lyla Bird and I are both completely smitten with him. 

2 months old

Baby girl,

I can hardly believe you have been in our lives for 8 weeks already. Every day I tell your daddy that I can't believe how much I love you. We keep learning more about you and your little personality. Everyone goes on about what a good baby you are...and you are!

You have been a good sleeper from day one and have always been surprisingly alert. You are quite a content little baby (well, most of the time...). At your one week appointment, the doctor said you had the strength of three week old baby and you continue to get stronger and stronger. At a week you could roll over on to your side (where you prefer to spend most of your time) and at two weeks you lifted your head and turned it from one side to the next while I held you. And speaking of being held...you LOVE to be held and I'm afraid we have spoiled you quite a bit. You have spent most of these past eight weeks in the arms of people who awe over you and cuddle you and kiss the top of your cute little head.

You weighed 6 lbs 8 oz when we left the hospital and 6 lbs 10 oz at your very first doctor's appointment. Now, at two months old you weigh 10 lbs 8 oz. And I'm pretty sure most of that weight is just in length. You are in the 92nd percentile for length and just barely at the 50th percentile for weight!! You are one long little girl!

You love your pacifier and sleeping in our arms. You also have loved baths from the time you were a week old. You smile after you wake up from every nap and are especially happy in the morning. You are nursing every 3-4 hours and every 4-5 hours at night. You have really started sucking on your hands/knuckles a lot...I think you are still searching for your thumb. You took your first 8 hour road trip at 3 weeks and your first flight at 4 weeks old. So far, you have already been on 3 flights and have 5 more ahead of you in the next 3 weeks alone!!!! So far, you have been such a good little traveler.

And baby girl, you bring us so much joy. You are funny and constantly make us laugh. These first two months have been hard and rewarding, but surprisingly easy too. I never knew I could love someone like I love you and watching you and your daddy together fills me with the most wonderful love of all.

We love you so much...for everything you are and will one day be. We would not change a thing.

Love you always,

Mama

Back in Boston...

“you are not too old 

and it is not too late

to dive into your increasing depths 

where life calmly gives out it's own secret” 

― Rainer Maria Rilke

My sweet baby girl is asleep in her crib. Something that has become somewhat of a rarity these days. 

I know all the reasons why co-sleeping is ill-advised... 

but this girl will sleep hours on end when she is in between us 

and only two hours max when she is in her crib. 

I know its a habit we are going to have to break...

but for now I am so thankful for all those extra hours of sleep we all get. 

This little girl has sure taken my heart. 

At five weeks, she has already been on three plane rides and one 500 mile road trip.

I hold my breath while boarding every plane, but so far she has been quite a good little traveler --

even though she stays awake for most of the flights...she hardly ever cries.

Now that we are back in Boston,

 I am determined to find my routine and time to write, cook and clean.

Life is a little crazier and quite a lot messier with this little girl in it, 

but man is it good. So, so good. 

the best 5 days

“When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.” 

― Rumi

This little girl has been in our lives for only five sweet days, but I feel like she has always been here. 

Every look she gives - every whimper and sigh - seem as though I've seen and heard them my whole life. 

The days are full and the nights are at times quite long, but I've never been happier 

or felt my heart more full. And oh my goodness I love watching Mr. D with her. 

It feels so good to be Mr. D's wife and Lyla Bird's mama. I am so in love with them both. 

39 weeks

I can't help but wonder if this is the last weekly countdown with you in my belly -

growing ever so steadily, my body home to two strong hearts 

beating anxiously for this very moment in time.

I'm taking special notice of each kick and wave that flows through my abdomen, 

remembering exactly how it feels to have you inside me. 

I love you, baby girl. 

See you soon!

waiting ever so patiently

“If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.” 

― Oscar Wilde

Sometimes waiting to meet baby girl seems unbearable. 

We've come so far... and yet it seems like May will never get here. 

So on days like today, I find so much joy in holding her little newborn onesies

and those teeny tiny socks that just seem so impossibly small. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she is still growing safely in my belly, 

but gosh I am so excited to smell her skin and kiss her little hands. 

So today, I've been hanging out by her crib - 

laying out all of her clothes and then refolding them again.

Oh, how I can't wait to wrap her up in my arms. 

One within one.

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”
― Marcus Aurelius

 Having life growing in my belly - the surreal idea of it as a whole - 

has wrapped me up in a calm I have never felt before.

Every morning I wake up and lay my hand over my growing belly just to make sure its still there

and the affirmation fills me with so much joy and excitement. 

We did everything we could to be "responsible" and "safe" in planning 

this pregnancy for a [MUCH] later date...

but now even those words seem kind of silly to me because

I feel like this is exactly where we were always meant to be. 

I am so enjoying this time we have as a family of three and a half...

I wouldn't trade a single moment of it for anything in the world.

This growing belly, Lucy girl and the kind, fun and handsome man by my side

and this plan that is so much better than we could have ever laid out ourselves

brings me such an amazing and peaceful joy.

date night and new seasons.

“What is that you express in your eyes? 

It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.”
― Walt Whitman

 Mr. D took me to dinner last night. We went to Floriana in Dupont. 

The restaurant is housed in an old brownstone and our table for two was right in front of the fireplace.

The food was delicious, but the candle light and the gray-haired waiter who 

described the menu with his hands - 

as if he himself was garnishing the dishes right in mid-air - 

made the night even more delightful.

The misty rain falling in between the white Christmas lights outside 

filled me with such excitement for this new season. 

Mostly, though, just glad I have Mr. D to enjoy it alongside.

--------

Tonight we are going to Opera in the Outfield

and Friday we head to the Big Apple. 

I can hardly wait....

Photo #1 by Stefany Alves
Photo #2 by Husband

may the best be yet to come

“The night you gave me my birthday party... you were a young Lieutenant 

and I was a fragrant phantom, wasn't I? 

And it was a radiant night, 

a night of soft conspiracy and the trees agreed 

that it was all going to be for the best.”
― Zelda Fitzgerald

 My handsome husband turns twenty-eight today.

And as he begins his 29th year of life, 

I have never loved him more.

I am so thankful for this man's life 

and that it did intertwine with mine.

I cannot wait to celebrate with him tonight.

Happy Birthday, Mr. D!

nine-eleven, two thousand eleven

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... 

there is something you must always remember. 

you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think. 

But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... 

I'll always be with you."
— A.A. Milne

 I took this picture in 2000...

and the one below from near the top of the World Trade Tower.

It is still hard to believe they are no longer there.

 The fire department a couple of blocks from our house was the first on the scene at the Pentagon, 9/11/01.

----------------------

I went for a long walk yesterday evening. Past the Washington Monument, by the Jefferson,

across the Potomac River where there was - taped along the bridge -

an American flag for every single person lost at the Pentagon.

The sun was heavily setting and for the first time -
as I stood at Gravelly Point at the end of the runway at Reagan International Airport -
the sound of the huge passenger jets flying literally right above my head

sent chills down my spine - a sound that at one time only induced excitement and adventure, 

reminded me of the sound of a weapon.

This weekend, we went to the Smithsonian to see the special exhibit of artifacts from 9-11.

Pieces of the plane from Flight 93, a FDNY truck door that was smashed when the buildings collapsed,

personal belongings etc. And so many stories of heroism. 

It was a weekend of remembrance and thankfulness.

---------------

Later last night, Mr. D surprised me with a late drive downtown.

He stopped on Pennsylvania Ave. and turned to me and asked if I would like to dance.

To my surprise, there in the plaza between the Capitol Building and the White House 

were people dancing in the glow of the moonlight -

people of all ages and every ethnicity. Some with dance shoes, others in tennis shoes.

Some talked as they danced while others held each other close - cheek pressed against cheek -

tenderly and passionately gliding around the plaza.

We sat in awe of humanity. Of our country.

And in awe of love.

cake & flowers

"When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. 

When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too."
— Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist 

 Whenever I get a little stressed thinking about the day or the next 6 months...

I think about our wedding day - a reminder that everything always works out, 

a token to just enjoy every minute.

On New Years Eve, the day before our wedding,

we went to the flower market in NYC to pick out flowers

and later that night we walked a couple of blocks to this little bakery on the Upper West Side

where the sweetest old women anxiously whipped together our wedding cake. 

I treasure each and every person we ran into that weekend

and their shared excitement and joy even though we were strangers.

 Hope you enjoy every minute of the weekend -

knowing full well that it works out...

sometimes even better than you could have imagined.

photography by Carin Davis

love letters and a license from the state of New York

"Love consists in this, 

that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other."
— Rainer Maria Rilke

 I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day -

except for the heart box of chocolates I always got from my dad

and the fact that the whole office now smells of roses and lilies.

But I must admit that it was fun to look under the "to husband" card section

when picking one out this year for Mr. D, my husband!

I am so thankful for him and our courtship.

It grew from many long distance, late night conversations and many, many love letters.

It was all so natural and honest - 

no outside interference or persuasion. 

Just us.

I love re-reading those letters and am so thankful to be where we are today.

AND I am looking so forward to our date tonight.

----------------------------------------------

Happy Valentine's Day!

photographs by Carin Davis.

today's best fit

adopt rinah from VsTheBrain on Vimeo.

Adoption has always inspired me.

What greater gift is there than to take in and care for another life

and love them unconditionally as your own flesh and blood.

This couple is really amazing.

dear friend,

"Emerson said, Do you love me? means 

Do you see the same truth?

-Or at least, 

"Do you care about the same truth?" 

— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves) 

"Is it really possible to tell 

someone else what one feels?"
— Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)

 

I thought I heard someone banging on our door 
this morning around 6 am

so I laid very still, eyes wide

listening to the silent movement of the house. And

shortly after I flew out of bed 

when I saw lights bouncing off of our bedroom walls - 

I felt the coldness of the window seep into my skin as I stood 

watching the snow plow drive by. 

Settling back in bed, I closed my eyes tight

savoring the moments left before the alarm.

But my mind was already going through the motions of today

so I reached down for my phone, and read an email from a dear friend

sent at 2 am. 

And then I realized what all the noise was about. 

Today, if I could, I would board a plane

headed across the country and sit on the beach with you. 

photo by L. Ghambari on flickr

back.

"Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the whole sky." 

-Hafiz 

My favorite thing looking back at our wedding day

is that I felt nothing but overwhelming joy. 

Everything worked out so perfectly and all came together so seamlessly

[thanks to family and friends who are in huge part the reason for this outcome -

I cant thank them enough]

I never once felt even an ounce of stress. 

The day was focused on our marriage and love and not about a big display or

full of distractions. It was an absolute celebration.

Now that we are home, we are getting back into a new routine

and I am loving every minute. 

We made a big costco run last night 

and now we are set to start planning our big May celebration.

I married the most amazing man and feel so overwhelming blessed.

snow in the district.

"Perhaps I write for no one. 

Perhaps for the same person children are writing for 

when they scrawl their names in the snow."
— Margaret Atwood

It is heavily snowing outside in the District -

I would say our first real snow of the year 

and perfect timing for Christmas. 

I left work to get my hair done...and for amazing Corey 

to show me how to do my hair for the wedding.

I wish I could take her with me, but I think Ive got it down.

After, I stepped out into a winter wonderland.

We are headed to New York City for the night 

and back in time for a shower tomorrow! 

What a wonderful time of year...so much to be thankful for.

photo here.

elopement

"We love the things we love for what they are." — Robert Frost

"She read Dickens in the same spirit she would have eloped with him." — Eudora Welty

 Beautiful vulnerability. That was my intent. 

And so inspired by such an adventure, I feel that I should come clean. 

We are quasi-eloping in mere days. 

While it might be pure insanity to plan a wedding in 30 days, 

turns out a quasi-elopement is quite doable.

Everything has fallen and continues to fall into perfect place.

While I don't want to give too much away...it is a quasi-elopement after all...

I will probably be dropping hints here and there 

because I'm too excited not to share at least a little. 

There will still be a reception come spring. 

But for now, I am daily crossing things off of my to-do list. 

Dress. Check. 

Rings. Check.

Marriage License. Almost. 

friday bliss.

"It is often in the darkest
skies that we see the
brightest stars."
— Richard Evans

 Happy Friday! 

Today Mr. D told me that "my bad moods don't last long...

they are strong sometimes, but never long." 

There was definitely a point the night before, when I was still covered in

blotchy red hives and almost every inch of my body was aching, that I found myself 

in a complete disarray. 

I was crying for a reason I can't even remember - sobbing maybe -

[crying on top of an already bad cold does not mix well]

When Mr. D swooped me up in his arms with a smile.

He knows just how to calm me down while confirming my fear 

that I'm shedding pointless tears without making me feel crazy.

And somehow managing to make me feel beautiful all along.

[which blows my mind, because apparently hives and tears don't mix well either!!!]

Beauty found in gray skies is, in my opinion, the brightest of all.

[Its hard to be in a bad mood on a Friday afternoon anyway]

 photo found here from downtownfrombehind.

home.

"The journey itself is my home." — Basho

 A couple of nights before the flight West last week, Mr. D picked me up from work numero dos in Georgetown.
It was midnight and my feet were killing me,
but before I knew it our car had taken a quick detour.
We parked outside the gates of Arlington Cemetery and headed on foot toward the bridge.
Down the grassy hill. Across the faintly lit parkway

and right down to the bank of the Potomac River.

I would not have traded that night for anything.

This was our view. 

And it was one of those etheral moments, where I have never been more sure of where I was standing,

my feet hidden in the grassy ledge, the line of ducks out for a midnight swim along the silent river

and a panoramic scene sprawled out before us like so many history books and postcards paint.

The magnitude of where we were standing weighed so heavily on me.

And yet.

It all glistened so clearly in the palm of my hand. 

The moment you start the biggest game of your life, knowing it will be full of hard climbs, 

tears and the thrill of a runners high. And you run at it full force and

full of joy because there is absolutely no where else you would rather be...
[having really nothing to do with your geographical location at all]

shooting stars and forget-me-nots.

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this."

— Henry David Thoreau

"Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven,
Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels"
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

There is nothing like a wonderful weekend to thrust you forward into an exciting week.  I have never been more thankful for the love of friends and family. For kind words and uplifting voices. I have learned so much about myself over the past month and I feel so strong and thankful for it. 

On Friday, Mr. D and I were driving to a fundraiser just outside of the district. The night had fallen just moments before and there painted across the obsidian sky a shooting star dashed before us. Like the sweeping line of a painter's brush, a reminder of just how grand His plan is.

Many thanks to all of the texts, calls and fb posts yesterday!