don't know what we would do without him

“…hearts wrung with anguish, the anguish of having children, 

a vulnerability as astonishing as the capacity for love that parenthood brings.” 

― Eugenides

Baby girl and I sure love this man around here. His presence seems to calm the both of us almost instantly.

I almost met Mr. D in the street last night when he came home around 10:45 pm. 

(not kidding -- had I been able to get decently dressed with one hand I might have) 

Baby girl and I had both been feeling out of sorts since around 5 pm. I felt like I was getting the flu

(turns out to maybe just be breastfeeding related?) 

and Lyla simply insisted on being held, rocked, nursed and walked...simultaneously. 

But as soon as Mr. D walked through the door last night, 

bird quieted down and this mama got to take a bubble bath that felt like heaven. 

He had Bird cooing and me laughing in no time. 

Don't know what we would do without him.

39 weeks

I can't help but wonder if this is the last weekly countdown with you in my belly -

growing ever so steadily, my body home to two strong hearts 

beating anxiously for this very moment in time.

I'm taking special notice of each kick and wave that flows through my abdomen, 

remembering exactly how it feels to have you inside me. 

I love you, baby girl. 

See you soon!

a mothers day gift

“My mother... she is beautiful, softened at the edges and tempered with a spine of steel. 

I want to grow old and be like her.” 

― Jodi Picoult

This mother's day is going to be extra special! 

My sweet mom is headed up here this weekend in anticipation of baby girl's arrival.

I am looking so forward to having her company while we wait these last few days...

I've never been more thankful for my mother!

The sun is finally out here in Boston

and who knows...maybe baby girl will be a mother's day gift?!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and mothers-to-be out there

and a very happy weekend to you all!

photograph from the glow

still waiting...

“Lesson learned? When people say, "You really, really must" do something, it means you don't really have to. No one ever says, "You really, really must deliver the baby during labor." When it's true, it doesn't need to be said.”  

― Tina Fey, Bossypants

I've been walking a lot, drinking a ton of water, had spicy food and pineapple and a few other things....

any other labor inducing ideas?! I'm trying to be patient and enjoy these last few days, 

but I'm starting to feel discouraged and oh so ready to meet this baby girl already. 

-------------------------------

Its been so rainy here in Boston the last few days,

 but Monday was so beautiful and sunny -

a perfect day to take the diana+ out

[photos taken with the diana+ lens]

38 weeks

A moo moo for two reasons: one, in honor of cinco de mayo, and two because its just about the only comfortable thing I can fit into these days... so baby and I are still celebrating cinco de mayo a couple of days late over here.

I wasn't able to write very much last week...not for a lack of words, but because it was a hard week and I was afraid that if I did sit down to write, it would turn into nothing but me complaining and feeling sorry for myself, which is neither becoming nor entertaining. To summarize, I miss my husband and eating breakfast, lunch and dinner by myself gets to be pretty depressing sometimes. He had to work a lot on Sunday too...and you have no idea how I long for our Sundays together...so it was a pretty big bummer after a long week. But for the record, I am really proud of him and so, so thankful for every little moment we are able to be together. I'm also really thankful for the friends we have made here...I don't know what I would do without them.

Baby and I have started going on long early morning walks. Just as the city awakes, but before the stores open their doors. It proves both refreshing and therapeutic - even if I'm waddling the whole way - and I fall a little more in love with this new city of ours each time.

So...38 weeks...I am officially uncomfortable and ready to meet this baby girl. I literally cannot lift my left leg thanks to a shooting pain that I can't quite describe due to how low baby girl is now and when I stand up I feel like she literally might fall to the floor. AND hello, contractions. They are coming pretty regularly now, but only a few of them have actually hurt...so I'm not getting my hopes up because of them.

But. BUT. After last week's doctor appointment, baby girl's arrival is definitely in sight! And she is worth all the shooting pains and back aches.

Happy 38 weeks baby girl!
(and happy cinco de mayo a little late)

36 weeks

We are officially 9 months! Some days I feel like I could not be more ready to hold our sweet baby girl and other days it all seems so overwhelming. The anticipation is so exciting and unlike anything I have ever waited for...soon I will meet this little person who I already love so incredibly much.

She is still in a transverse lie position (or sideways) and she only has a few more days to turn around on her own. We are going in for an ultrasound on Wednesday morning, and if she is still sideways, then they are going to have to manually move her (an external cephalic version or breech version). We are all hoping she will move on her own over here...and I've been trying all sorts of silly positions (thank you, Rachel for the spinning babies website recommendation!)...

Here's hoping she turns on her own in the next 48 hours...
Happy 9 months baby girl!

red tulips and a visit from my mama!

“You're strictly a tulip girl—a red tulip girl.” 

― Alyson Noel

Nights are the hardest. 

From around 8 or 9 pm until Mr. D comes home (which was midnight last night), 

I try my best to make time fly. The days are getting a little easier, but its after 8 pm when the sun has set

that I find the hours seem to drag on by. I know I should probably be sleeping every chance I get 

in preparation for the lack of sleep I will soon be getting...

but nowadays I can rarely fall asleep without Mr. D. 

So baby and I wait anxiously and patiently for his arrival.

But this week is looking up! My sweet mama is flying up today to visit for a couple of days!

I am so excited to have her company and finish last minute baby girl preparations. 

Happy Wednesday! Hope you are having a good week. 

waiting ever so patiently

“If you are not long, I will wait for you all my life.” 

― Oscar Wilde

Sometimes waiting to meet baby girl seems unbearable. 

We've come so far... and yet it seems like May will never get here. 

So on days like today, I find so much joy in holding her little newborn onesies

and those teeny tiny socks that just seem so impossibly small. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy she is still growing safely in my belly, 

but gosh I am so excited to smell her skin and kiss her little hands. 

So today, I've been hanging out by her crib - 

laying out all of her clothes and then refolding them again.

Oh, how I can't wait to wrap her up in my arms. 

a little nest in the corner of a room.

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. 

Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”
― Paulo Coelho, Brida

 The guest bedroom is baby girl's space.

Her things gather there in a corner of the room. 

Things that will soon protect her and keep her warm. 

Things that will one day comfort her and make her smile.

Colorful things. Soft things. Gifts from dear friends and family.

 This little one is already so loved. 

Since we don't quite have a home yet as we await our move to Boston - 

reaching out of boxes every morning searching for this or that -

this little space - her space - has become my very favorite place.

----------------

We have a doctor's appointment today! 

I can't wait to hear that little heart beat. 

today's best fit: baby's first shoes

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!

 As soon as I find out if sweet babe is a boy or a girl, I am buying his/her first pair of shoes...

these moccasins from Freshly Picked to be exact. 

I like all the stuff over at Freshly Picked...

but my favorite by far are the moccasins for kids and babies. 

I wonder which color I'll be buying ?!!

office blues.

"May the wind under your wings bear you where the sun sails and the moon walks."
— J.R.R. Tolkien

I had a hard time staying composed yesterday. 

My mind was forced to race, just as my limbs were ordered to sit still.

And so it wasn't until that evening - when the sun began to settle -

that my mind was free to join my wings. 

Mr. D and I took Lucy girl on a walk. We ate dinner outside and continued to walk

with no particular destination in mind. 

And for the first time all day I finally felt I was where I was supposed to be.

But I am back at it today, and that familiar aching is grabbing hold of my bones

Oh, if I can just make it until its time to go home....

photograph by Carin Davis

change[s]

"The power of finding beauty in the humblest things makes home happy and life lovely."
— Louisa May Alcott

 We have been driving a convertible around the District lately, 

and the fact that the weather has been absolutely divine has made it quite dream-like.

Change is in the air around here, 

so I am having to breathe deep and pray a lot...

But driving around in a convertible, the wind rushing through my lungs

and the air weightlessly combing through my hair

makes breathing deeply a whole lot easier

and I'm that much closer to the sky up there.

And when facing change with Mr.D on my team, 

I feel like we can do anything.

So, I am working on my attitude,

[I sometimes have a tendency to lean toward pessimism and call it reality]

 putting trust in my husband

and relying on a whole lotta faith.

 Plus, whenever we are faced with a challenge - 

if we go about it the right way...we only become closer and grow stronger in the long run. 

So, here's to thankfulness, the next adventure and a brand new week!

Happy Monday, y'all. 

thankful for the 'people' I live with

"To achieve great things, two things are needed: 

a plan and not quite enough time."
— Leonard Bernstein

You can't have two bad days in a row, right? I mean...

at some point the amount of misfortune and sleepless stress in such a limited amount of time 

becomes so full of irony that you cant help but find the humor in it all.

Mr. D, little Luz and I are still working out our morning routine - 

and a dead car battery this morning at the last minute didn't help...

but thanks to AAA and a rescheduled vet appointment, everything worked out.

And we all (well, at least the two of us who could) laughed a lot along the way. 

The best thing in a helpmate is being able to laugh with each other when things go awry...

I'm thankful the 'people' I live with are so patient and forgiving of me.

Luz and I sure missed husband last night and were so thankful for him this morning. 

He (and James from AAA) saved the day!

AND as a bonus, sweet Luz received rave reviews from the vet. 

One very healthy, vaccinated and playful goldendoodle!

Surely this day will continue to get better. 

change in plans

"Take it easy, but take it." 

— Woody Guthrie

I traded in my clunky walkie talkie yesterday afternoon

for a ride home to the district with husband [who was headed back from NYC.]

I'm glad I left early. 

Mr. D and I got home from the hospital late last night 

and while it was good to be home, it felt like it had been months not days

since I fell asleep in our familiar room. 

Mr. D has a crazy week this week and left early for work, 

and I am about to head back to the hospital. 

Hopefully in a couple of weeks we will all be back to normal routines

but in the meantime, I am just thankful to be home.

hot pavement and a summer routine.

"There we did begin, 

Cloisterd in the waterfall, 

Our summer discipline."
— Basho

I am ready for summer. Our third in the District together. 

Ready for kayaks and yoga under the Monument,

for Good Stuff milkshakes and long bike rides...

for our summer discipline.

alone tonight with Steinbeck

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." 
— Anaïs Nin

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."   — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Something happened in my chest this afternoon -

a shift in my breathing -

its as if I am always waiting for a crash to cave me in. 

Its a cynical fault of mine to think that when its good, its too good

and when things are off, its nothing short of a devastating loss. 

And so in the silence of this room, 

I am finding strength in the steadiness of its walls

allowing few tears to fall, simply

biding time [with the help of Steinbeck] 

until its an acceptable hour to fall asleep and hope for 

a brighter day tomorrow. 

lost time.

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." 

— John Lennon

"Some things don't last forever, but some things do. 

Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory 

you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, 

pressing down on the corners and peering in close, 

hoping you still recognize the person you see there." 

— Sarah Dessen

 I am on call tonight at job number two, 

and I just found out I have to go in. And in the 28 seconds that that phone call lasted

my night went from productive and relaxing to long and very tiring. 

I know I can control my own thoughts - 

make up my mind to make the best of the situation.

Choose to see it not as I know it to be - somehow brighter.

But all I can think about right now is the summer I spent abroad.

I know I must have looked at the time at some point,

but I dont remember ever doing it.

Its sort of all a deliriously foggy dream 

in which trains and gardens and museums all meld together 

to form one beautiful hiatus dabbled ever so lightly in British literature.

photographs by Berni Tin

chevron stripes, new coats and rice pudding.

"Feathers filled the small room. Our laughter kept the feathers in the air. I thought about birds. Could they fly is there wasn't someone, somewhere, laughing?" — Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close) 

 I do not believe I have ever been as happy as I am today. It is most definitely not because I had a good weekend. Or because its Monday. Its definitely not because I woke up two hours before my alarm this morning or because of the cloudy sky. It absolutely has nothing to do with my box or the way my non-apple work computer screen glows. It has nothing to do with this afternoon's meeting or an oncall shift that has a 98% chance of being called. 

It does have a tiny bit to do with chevron stripes and a brand new jacket from mr. d...oh and the most delicious rice pudding from a couple of blocks down the street. Mostly though, its because happiness doesnt come in the shape of a box or a weather report. It cant be made or bought. But it is so sweet to be found...and I am oh so thankful for it.

Actions speak louder than words but sometimes words are quite more than enough.

if only birds thought outloud

"This autumn-
why am I growing old?
bird disappearing among clouds."  — Basho

 [There is a line of trees just like this out by my parent's house in the country]

 

 Never before has a Wednesday tasted so sweet - and not because of the spontaneous cupcake tasting that just commenced in conference room three, although that does help a little - 

Did you know that as we process things our brains learn faster and faster

so time eventually does seem to fly as we age.

If only I could simultaneously slow some things down 

and speed others on ahead...

Happy Hump Day. 

Hope its sweet.

 

PS. My dad is doing well after his surgery yesterday and headed home today! Hooray!

 

 

image spotted here.

celebrate.

We have had a staff retreat at work the last two days.

Without going into too much detail, I am sure you could imagine several popular tv shows on air right now that would pretty accurately sum up the atmosphere. But I have to admit, the first session surprised me. 

We watched a video, and after the first few seconds I thought it was destined to be the painfully cheesy in-applicably optimistic type, but as I sat there somewhat amazed, I felt nothing short of inspired.

Dewitt Jones, a famous photographer for National Geographic, spoke about "celebrating what's right with the world" as a lifestyle and a daily routine. That our perceptions become our realities and that we have complete control over how we choose to view the world around us.

Both nature and humanity. 

What a wonderful way to live life...celebrating what's right with our surroundings and the world we live in every single day. Seeing the opportunities first. It is so easy to be bogged down and distracted by all the things I pile on as wrong  or that I wish were different that it can blind me from first seeing the good. The things that are right. When you look at it with those intentions...

the beauty cannot help but simply abound all around. 

So on this perfect 70 degree autumn day in the District, I want to do nothing more than to celebrate every minute of it.

photo taken in Central Park by Carin Davis